Sunday, February 10, 2019

Comment Wall


Portfolio Website


Dragon. Source: Pixabay.

28 comments:

  1. Hey, Bianca!

    I think I read one of your earlier versions of this story and I really like the changes that you've made! Adding in the dragon gives it a cool fantasy flavor and an element of danger that I feel was missing in the original version of the myth. I also like your tip-off to your readers about the sisters' personalities by giving them specific names. That's a nice little bit of characterization.

    Since your writing is solid, my suggestions are pretty much geared toward your site itself. What if you named "Story 1" and your homepage differently in your heading bar? It's a small change, but I think that having a thematic name for both of these elements could help add to the sense of immersion for your readers. Also, with all the fantastic imagery and word choice in your story, what if you added in pictures as "illustrations" that help show the plot points as well as you telling them?

    I'm looking forward to reading more!

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  2. Hi Bianca,
    I like the flames on your banner for the first story. It really emphasizes the title and makes it noticeable. Just reading it, I had some questions. Was there a reason why Jane didn't want a life of opulence or why she wanted three roses? I wonder what would have happened if the mother didn't have a daughter. Would she have given the dragon her son haha? What a terrible mother! Jane did not ask for the roses from the dragon's garden! I wish you would have added more information at the end about what happened to the mother and daughters. It would have been interesting to see how they reacted to her fairytale ending. I also wonder why the man was trapped under the spell. I think adding dialogue would have made it more engaging because you actually can get a better sense of tone and the feelings the characters might have had. All in all, I think it was a good retelling of the story! Good job!

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  3. Hi Bianca!
    First of all, I really liked what you did with the names of the characters - gems for the frivolous daughters and Jane for the plain one. That stood out to me immediately. I also noticed that you put a couple of pictures in the story, which helped break up the text and make it more interesting to look at!
    I have a few questions: Why was the mom so determined to indulge her daughters' wishes, even at the expense of their safety? Why did Ruby and Emerald want such lavish gifts? And why wasn't Jane more concerned when she went to stay with the dragon?
    I think one thing that could really spice up your story is to add some more visual detail - what does the dragon look like? What is the landscape like? What kinds of gifts did the daughter want?
    Great job over all -I'm excited to read more.

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  4. Hey Bianca!

    I really loved the way you changed that story. You kept to the original close enough that I recognized it and knew what was happening, however, there were enough new elements that it kept me captivated throughout. I especially enjoyed the funny parts you added.
    You might consider giving Jane's mother a name of some sort so that you don't have to keep calling her "the mother" all throughout. You might also expand the ending a bit unless you've reached your word limit. It wrapped up kind of fast. Did the sisters go to the party? Did the mother? Did they go back to their small village or live somewhere else?
    Other than that, I loved reading it and felt it was a great start to your portfolio. One thing you should include in your introduction is a link to the comment wall (unless it was already there and I missed it).
    Great job over all!

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  5. Bianca,

    You have a really pleasant writing style; I was totally immersed in your story and imagery! I honestly thought this was a retelling of Beauty and the Beast at first, but I much prefer the dragon to the beast. The first half is so good. You characterize the mother and all the daughters extremeley well. One suggestion I had while reading is to look at your pronoun usage. Especially in the first half when you're referring to just the mother and daughters a lot, it can be a bit difficult to follow the stream of "hers" at times. I am really curious about Jane after reading this. I imagine her to be courageous, but your description of her passively accepting her role to offer herself to the dragon was kind of suprising. I wonder how the tone would change if you wrote in third person limited point of view? I was also a bit disappointed how quickly the story wrapped up, but only because I wish I had more to read! Again, I really like your writing style and genuinely wanted to read more of your writing for this story. I'm really curious what Jane and the dragon did for those three days, it could be an opportunity to explore the dragon's character more. It might be just me, but it sounds like Jane was a bit coerced in the end ("he had to marry her")? Great job! I can't wait to read the rest of your stories!

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  6. Hey howdy Bianca,
    Great writing here. I really liked the idea of introducing a story, telling it, and then at the end the conditions of the initial introduction remaining the same. It is almost like a little episode where the reader gets a taste of a plot, but the availability for it to go a different way the next day still remain at the end of the story. The ending definitely left me wanting more on this one. I want to see what happens the next day! Your character Tala and how she ended the story had some great imagery along with it. It really put in perspective the narrative of the story and does a great job of reminding the reader of the world in which the character lives outside of this brief episode. In terms of general housekeeping, I may recommend changing the name from "Introduction," just because it makes it seem like it would be an intro to you the author. But besides that, this is some great work.

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  7. Hello Bianca, I really enjoyed your story and your writing style. I am always amazed to see the many different new words that I can learn from others stories. In addition to this, I really liked the theme of your page. I think the flames compliment very well with the roses and the dragon. I think that one thing you could do is change the header and make them different on each page so that there is some change once you get to the story. This is just a suggestion so don't feel like you have to. I felt like the story was definitely something that left me wanting more. I really like the concept of dragons and feel like they always make for an interesting story. I also really liked how descriptive you were throughout as I feel it added another great aspect to your story.

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  8. Hi Bianca!
    I like that your storybook is dragon themed with both of your stories. I liked the cover photo you used, it really brings the theme of your storybook to life. I do wish your stories had names besides Story 1 and Story 2 so there is some sense of what is coming in each of the stories. In your first story, I like how you kept true to the original story which we both read. The second story drew me in more, in part because I haven't read the original story it came from, so I was more excited to read that one. I really liked your choice to keep romance out of your adventure story. That's something I wish happened more often in adventure stories. I do wish that the story had more of a conclusion it kind of felt more like an introduction to a longer story. My biggest piece of advice for you would be to maybe add some dialogue to your stories as I think that really helps break up the narration. Keep up the good work!

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  9. Bianca,

    I just read "The Dragon's Rose"! It was a solid retelling of a great story. The primary change you made with it being directed towards a dragon rather than a basilisk was a welcome change. I'm not even sure what a basilisk looks like; everyone knows what dragons look like, though! Overall, I like the direction of your portfolio thus far. I can appreciate the dragon theme. I truly hope you continue to build on it, even though you haven't chosen a storybook. I can tell they're something that you're passionate about/interested in. I'm the same way. A dragon being reborn by the same fire it breathes was very phoenix-esque! I dig it. All of this makes me think about the upcoming Game of Thrones season. Do you watch that show? I think you'd love it. There is no shortage of dragons in it!

    Best of luck!
    -Lance J.

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  10. Hi Bianca,

    I like the name of your website, at least it's creative! The website looks fantastic. The only recommendations I would make is to change the name of the story tabs to the story name and to add a hyperlink to your comment wall. You can make a footer that could display in all pages where you can have your link.

    I enjoyed the story of the Dragon's Rose. I thought you did a fantastic job of changing the characters and also elaborating a bit more on the story. Talking about the story, since you did not change the plot very much. I would have liked it more if you provided a bit of backstory, not only to Jane but how the human became a dragon. There was almost no story to the dragon, not even a name. If I remember correctly in the original story, the Basilisk was a king in a palace. A little more details on the dragon would have been cool. Either way, it was a great story, and I look forward to reading the rest!

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  11. Hey howdy, Bianca! Right off the bat, I loved the imagery on your site and specifically for the story of The Dragon's Rose. It does a great job of setting the scene for the readers and this is reinforced within the first few lines of your writing. The story itself is very well written and easy to follow. I will say that I was a little lost as to how I was meant to understand the mother's character. I wonder if there is a way to introduce the relationship between the mother and the rest of the village before being introduced to the dragon himself. I felt a little bit like the dragon came out of nowhere, and if it was supposed to be concerning for the mother or if it was business as usual. Really I think the only thing that I was lost about was narration, the writing itself flows very well.

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  12. Hey Bianca,

    I really enjoyed reading your story. It was easy to recognize, as I've been able to read that story a few times before. I could tell that you were holding true to the original, which I believe was your desired effect. In all, it was a great story! If I had any suggestion for you, it would probably be to take a little bit more creative liberty with your story! You obviously thought out the changes you made, and I think if you stuck to it you could really morph this story into your own!

    Good luck,
    Brady

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  13. Hey there Bianca!
    First off I would like to say I think that your website was very enticing. The banner image you chose to use really peaked the readers curiosity. Next the organization of the website was very simple by giving the story the title of story 1 and story 2. There was a few questions I had which consisted of. Why was the mom so determined to indulge her daughters’ wished, even though she knew it wasn’t safe? As well why did Ruby and Emerald want such frivolous gifts. And finally why wasn’t jane more concerned when she went to stay with the dragon? Maybe to make the stories them self more exciting and to possibly draw the reader in you could add more imagery to the story by giving more visual details of the land scape. Other than that the story was very good! And good job!

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  14. Hi Bianca!
    First off, I really like your blog aesthetic! I think it's very bold and bright! I like the flames as the banner image on your first story. I think it helps emphasize what your story represents. Your story “The Dragon’s Rose” was a great retelling and I think you altered the original in a way that really makes a great impact. I really like that you had pictures to break up some of the text. I am going to make some alterations to my project after seeing yours! With all this talk of dragons and the dragon theme, it makes me very excited for the new Game of Thrones season to come out! The trailer is out now! Do you watch it? I think you would like it! Anyways, I enjoyed reading your stories and getting to know you a little better! Good luck with the rest of your semester! -Madee

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  15. Hi Bianca!

    I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've seen your project so it's exciting to see a new portfolio in the class! One thing I noticed right away was that you don't have a link for your comment wall anywhere on your blog, so just to make it easier for this class you might want to add that to the bottom of your home page!

    I think the header image of your home page works really well for the theme of your portfolio! I noticed that you're using the same image for the header of all your stories, so something fun to try would be using a different image for each story just to add more fun to your project website and set a slightly different tone for each story.

    I like the images you've included with the stories so far and think they really enhance them. I also like that your site is very straightforward and easy to read. I think that's one of the most important things about a website, and you nailed it!

    Great job so far, and I hope to see more of your project!

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  16. Hi Bianca! I really enjoyed reading your story. I am from the other class, so I haven't heard of this story before! It was pretty funny how the poor daughter was forced to marry the dragon since the mom was just so hasty about taking the roses. Is the moral of this story to be greedy so you're not forced into marriage after 3 days? One thing I would recommend is maybe beefing up the end of the story. You could gain a lot of imagery by describing the party or the transformation of the body of the dragon to a man. What made you want to do this story? Maybe add some more info about what happened when the third daughter was with the dragon. That would help beef up the length of the story. One last thing would be to change the story on your website to its actual name instead of the calling them story 1 and story 2.

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  17. Hey Bianca!

    First off thanks for sharing this story with us. I really appreciate you taking on such a difficult story. I thought you did a great job of keeping the tone of the original story. It was concise and read a lot like the original tale.
    At the same time, I think you did a great job of adding your own flair and making the story your own. The change of the basilisk to the dragon was a great choice. I especially liked how you changed the daughter’s names to reflect their personalities. This is the first time this semester I’ve seen somebody use a name change that well!!
    I do have one possible change to suggest. Instead of ending the story with the dragon turning into the man, did you ever think of expanding the story and telling us about their marriage? Or, did you consider telling us if the girl ever went back home to show off her new love, or ease her mother’s turmoil after trading her in to the dragon?

    Thanks again!

    - JD

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  18. Hey hey hey Bianca! !!

    This is the week where we look at design.
    I must say I have some things to say in time,
    but first I must say, my name is Mabel,
    and my name most certainly rhymes with navel,
    but please, I don’t want to have to write another line.

    Your banner image is adequate
    But I think it’s a bit bland
    Refrigerator

    Perhaps you should think
    About another picture
    Refrigerator

    I do like Haikus
    But sometimes they don’t make sense
    Refrigerator

    Chardonnay
    With blood on hay
    Caption your images
    Or my engineering professors will haunt you

    At least your fonts are consistent
    That’s a good thing to do
    Why does your website say, “at least it’s creative”? that’s an interesting bent
    Scrimmages

    I would also recommend
    That you clean up your homepage
    Its current, uneven format makes me rage
    This rhyme is making my mind bend

    Refrigerator

    Thanks again!

    - JD

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  19. I love dragons so I had to click on your portfolio and check out your stories. Your first story definitely reminded me of Beauty and the Beast, as some others have said. I wish there were more descriptions of the main charter and the dragon, I found it hard to be connected with them in the story. I do like how you connected the names to jewels as a way to symbolize their consumerism and need to live lavishly. It's strange that the mother just gives Jane away, blaming her for asking for roses in the first place, seems so mean and cold of her given the idea that Jane didn't want much. Reminds me of Cinderella. It'd be cool if you had written about the time the dragon and Jane had spent together, it would have deepened the connections with have with those characters but also show how their relationship grew to become such a good friendship and eventually marriage.

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  20. Hello there, Bianca!

    I'm in the Indian Epics class, and this week for our project assignment we are supposed to talk about layout and design of the projects. Overall, my first impression of your project website was that its very strong and easy to navigate! One of the many benefits of using google sites is that everyone else who uses it, which is the vast majority, can easily navigate through the entire class' projects. I like the layout of your website as well, which is also something that comes on its own from google sites. The overall look of your project is quite nice! I like that you went with the image of fire, which really conjures a feeling of dragons and fire-breath. The thing I like best about your project is that the entire topic and idea behind it is unique and seems to be personalized. If I could give any constructive feedback, it would be that you can use different images for each story. They can still have something to do with dragons, but a new image for each story allows the stories to have their own mood. Additionally, you can change the labels "story 1" and "story 2" to give each story more variance from the start. Great work!

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  21. Hey Bianca!

    First off, I just wanted to say thanks so much for sharing yet another story with us! This is my second time looking through your project storybook, and I have enjoyed both trips! The site layout works really well, and I didn’t have any trouble navigating your page.
    I saw in your author’s note that you added in some background info to your story, and I think that really helped add some depth. As for this second story, I though you did a really good job of keeping the vibe of the original tale while still adding your own personal touch. Like you, I’m not big on romantic interests in action stories, so I appreciate the changes you made to that aspect of the story! All in all, it looks like you are in a really great place to keep going and developing things! Good luck the rest of the way!
    - JD

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  22. Hey Bianca!

    I am really enjoyed both of the stories I read. You found a way to put your own twist on things but not get too wordy. I found that your imagery was extremely helpful while reading your stories. You are really talented in making the reader feel like they are right in your story! Really good job! Keep it up!

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  23. Hi Bianca!
    I enjoyed your stories and and I love how you emmerse us right within the middle of your experience of the stories. I also enjoyed the experience of the dragon. I look forward to reading more of your work and I also look forward to more of your stories.

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  24. Hi Bianca,

    This is my second time visiting your portfolio this semester. You have added some really cool stories. I was really impressed by the background you provided in "The Quest for the Dragon's Eye." You made sure to include all of the details not only about the eye but about the dragons and Xinrui. I like the way in which the story is left in a cliff hanger. However, seeing as to how the story does not continue, it left me with a feeling of incompleteness. I do realize that the ending is the beginning of another story, but I still would like it kept going with the story.

    One recommendation that I would make is about the website. I think it would be better for attracting readers attention if you included the story name in the navigation bar. Rather than just naming them "Story 1" and so on.

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  25. Hi Bianca,

    I loved reading your story. I thought it was very interesting how your inspiration for this story was from the reading Saints: The Wolf-Mother of Saint Ailbe by Abbie Farwell Brown. I really enjoyed how you chose to focus on the aspect of “never forget your roots.” Your story was very creative and descriptive. I thought you made the story very personal for the audience. I like the idea of telling the story and concluding it with a cliffhanger. I have also tried to experiment with this in my own stories. Your cliffhanger had a greater effect than mine did. For my next story I will use yours’s as inspiration. Overall, I really enjoyed your story. It was a fun and interesting read. There is not a specific correction I would give you, but I would love to see this story delve a little deeper into descriptive sentences and the plot.

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  26. Hi Bianca,
    I returned to see how your stories are coming along! I love how while all of your stories are different, they contain common elements that tie them all together. Also, the fact that your stories focus on dragons and not romance, is refreshing. Each of your stories is really descriptive and has lots of information about the world you've created. I only wish they were longer since they seem pretty awesome and I'd like to know more! I love your cliffhanger endings too, they also make me want more. Overall, the stories are all really interesting and I enjoyed reading them.
    Finally, your website looks great. I appreciate how you separate your paragraphs so I don't lose my place in a large block of text. Your pictures fit in really well and help set the scene for the stories they belong to. I am eager to see what will come next!
    -Elyse

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  27. Bianca,

    I just finished reading story 2! You certainly have a gift for writing. I'm not sure if this is due to improvement over the course of this class or if you've always been this good, but you have set up quite the foundation for an epic quest in your second story. I was sad to see it end when it did. You definitely left the reader wanting to know/experience more. I hope you continue to explore writing, as you have a great ability to write.

    Do you know if you'll expand upon the story you put in place in story 2? It was easily my favorite from storybook. I would love to see where the two childhood friends go and the dynamic they would have in doing the impossible and retrieving the dragon's eye.

    Great job on your storybook, and best of luck with finishing off this semester strong!

    -Lance J.

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  28. Hi Bianca,

    I don't think I've been able to take a look at your Portfolio yet. I'm so glad I found it before the end of the semester. I love the image you used on your homepage. It definitely gave me a great idea of what I would find in your stories. I also love the images you used throughout your stories. I never figured out how to insert images in between paragraphs so think it's so cool when I see that feature in other people's stories.

    I loved your first story. I've never had the opportunity to read the original story you based it off of but I think I'd like that one as well. I hope to be able to read that one in the future as well. Great job on all of your stories this semester Bianca.

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